He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
