i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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