***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
