This is not my ceiling
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
