So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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