Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
