i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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