dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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