I'm jealous of your bromance
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
nutella sex= disaster
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
