Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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