Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
they need to just BURY HIM!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Found the puke drawer
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
