Welp...herpes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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