fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
