I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
