Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
