It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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