he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
