Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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