Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
