Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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