kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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