Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
