oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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