i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
