Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
