Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
