new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We are all done wearing pants today
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
