Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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