Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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