Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
