Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
