you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
