I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
