Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
foreskin is a definite game changer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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