I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
