is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
