How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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