I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
