I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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