As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
