Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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