life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
