Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
