i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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