left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
