I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
