I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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