Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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