how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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