So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
