i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
