Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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