Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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