So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
