I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize