my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
