my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
