Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
