I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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