i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
