I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
