Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
