The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
