everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
