he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
