We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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