so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
