So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
