He had one of those small greek statue penises
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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