Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
